It can be incredibly frustrating when the guy you’re dating suddenly seems to pull away from you. Perhaps you had him pegged as Mr. Right – or even Mr. Right Now, and then he starts to run in the opposite direction. He’s not picking up the phone as frequently or he might be “busy” a little more often than usual – so what can you do?
It Could Be You
It’s important to remember that you could actually be misinterpreting signs that he’s displaying. You might think that he’s pulling away from you, but that doesn’t mean that he is! You might be interpreting his actions as him pulling away from you, but in truth, he might actually be busy. He might actually have more going on at work, his phone might not be working properly, he might be stuck in meetings – he might still be the right guy for you.
Before jumping to conclusions, have a good think about the rest of his words and actions.
Is he telling you that he wants to spend more time with you? Is he keeping his promises?
Is he arranging dates and sticking to them?
If his actions and words match, put the thoughts of him pulling away from you to the back of your mind.
Think about why you automatically jump to the conclusion that he’s pulling away from you. You might be scared about getting into a committed relationship. A past relationship might have damaged you and might mean that you automatically believe that men aren’t going to treat you properly. You might be afraid of trusting him – and you might even subconsciously be pushing him away, causing him to pull away from you, because you are so scared.
If you’re afraid of him pulling away from you, you might end up “leaking” those fears which in turn, can actually cause him to pull away. Be as confident as possible in yourself and in your own abilities to attract a man that’s right for you. Love yourself. Start each relationship from a place of love, self-confidence and self-worth, and you won’t have those fears. And if you don’t have those fears, you won’t “leak” them. If he still pulls away after that, let him go! You’ll have the space for a new guy in your life that won’t pull away.
Signs That He Is Pulling Away
- You’ve been dating him for a couple of months and you start to date more frequently. And then, you have that one amazing date. You really get to know each other, you feel immediately connected to him emotionally and maybe physically, and you start to think that he could be the one because of the connection that you felt. You might expect him to start calling more often and to see him more often, and the opposite becomes true. He starts to pull away. In this situation, it might not actually be because he doesn’t like you. In face, he might really, really, really like you. He might have felt the exact same connection that you felt and the reality is that he doesn’t believe that he can be the guy that you need. He pulls away so he can think about whether he can be the right guy for you. If he is Mr. Right, he’ll come back to you – and you’ll carry on having amazing dates. If he’s not Mr. Right, it means he’s not mature enough to get into a serious relationship. And he’ll pull away – and that’s fine. If he’s not ready, he might not be ready for a long time, and this will give you the opportunity to find a guy that is actually mature enough to get into a committed relationship.
- If you’ve been having plenty of conversations about the future – perhaps he wants you to meet his family, or he talks about going out of town for a weekend away, or his plans to move into a new apartment, maybe with you, and then he suddenly stops mentioning everything to do with the future, it could mean that he’s pulling away. He might be vague about the far future, but he might also be vague about the future as in at the weekend, or next week, or next month. He might be “busy” next week but will be unable to tell you why he’s so busy and he might get defensive when you question him a little bit further.
- A slow down in communication could also mean that he’s pulling away from you. If you’ve been talking pretty much daily throughout the duration of your dating relationship, and communication suddenly slows down, or grinds to a halt, even if you don’t voice your concerns or send him cute “missing you” texts, he might be trying to finish things with you without having the guts to come out and tell you that the relationship is over.
What to Do When He Pulls Away
If he’s not man enough to come right out and say whatever it is that he’s thinking, instead of pulling away from you, you should speak up and have the conversation with him.
Have a non-threatening, open and honest conversation with him and encourage him to be honest with you. Say something like “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. I want to tell you something though, because I respect you. I’m at a place in my life where I want to be in a relationship. Can we be honest with each other about where this relationship is going or how it is evolving? I know that we could be both be in completely different places, and that’s fine.”
This conversation gives you clarity, and that’s what you need. He either wants to be with you, or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t – onto the next one!